The Abyss of Grief

Then from the cold abyss a cold hand appeared ,
and spellbound he watched as this mysterious hand takes flight,
and it was aimed at his heart.
At the threshold of his chest the hand points a finger and inserts in through his left rib cage,
and it finds its desired target, and with the flick of a wrist his heart was frozen.
Once it was frozen broken fragmented pieces of his heart where more visible, and it just simply shattered and that mysterious hand returned to the abyss as softly as it had come

 

Often grief comes on, unexpectedly, and it feels like you got punched by Floyd Mayweather.

Welcome to the sidelines with Donavan. Grief can be an abyss and together we will learn how to navigate it.

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Death…the enemy

Today is a beautiful day. The sun is shining…it’s 75 degrees…purrr-fect! Then I get to work and before I enter the building, the news is received…a co-worker was killed in a motorcycle accident. Instantly, my heart sinks. I say…What? I can’t believe that! As soon as the words are spoken, immediately another thought comes which says, I ‘can’ believe. It happened with my son….my baby; suddenly…without warning. Death happens all of the time but neither the surprise nor the sting ever goes away. I look forward to the day when death will be swallowed up in victory.

Paul couldn’t have said it any better than he did in 1 Corinthians 15:55-58:

“Where, O death, is your victory?
Where, O death, is your sting?”i
The sting of death is sin, and the power of sin is the law.
But thanks be to God! He gives us the victory through our Lord Jesus Christ.

Therefore, my dear brothers and sisters, stand firm. Let nothing move you. Always give yourselves fully to the work of the Lord, because you know that your labor in the Lord is not in vain.”

Let’s be faithful and choose to live for Jesus everyday.

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The memories of Justin are still alive!

This past weekend marked the two year anniversary since my youngest son, Justin passed away. It was difficult…which was no surprise. I expected that.  God is the only one who really understands the depth of  my pain…or the pain of anyone who is going through . The grieving process is so personal…so individualized.  We may both be separated by death from a child or other loved one but your journey through grief is not necessary the same path that I take. And guess what?  That’s Ok.

However, for me, it is a beautiful thing to have love, support and encouragement from others; to know that I matter to you and how I feel matters even though you don’t really understand what I’m going through or the depth of it.  Donavan, my oldest son, was here with me and two of Justin’s friends Richard and Ephriam along with the prayers and support of other family members, co-workers and friends.

I had a thought for and ‘in memory’ of project. The thought became a prayer, which became a written plan, which became The Justin’s Way Project, which became my mission to accomplish and God blessed it all.   The JW project was inspired by memories of Justin…how he gave his coat away to a homeless lady in Huntsville…shared funds with others in need….marched in Montgomery against Alabama’s  HB 56 law which for one would separate immigrant parents from their children.  I was inspired to reach out to Daphine Tedder at The Manna House.  This local  soup kitchen is open 5 days a week to assist the homeless and needy by providing  breakfast and lunch. By God’s Grace and with help from many of you and  in a short time period, I was able to raise and present over $700.00 to The Manna House!  To God Be The Glory!!                                                                 Vanessa and Daphne 32214           securedownload 

Vanessa and Daphine                                                     Donavan, Daphine and Vanessa        securedownload  From the center-clockwise: Vanessa, Richard, Donavan and Ephriam

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Life’s s conundrum

Humpty dumpty sat on a wall humpty dumpty had a big fall. All the kings horses and kings men could not put humpty dumpty back together again. When we hear this fabled nursery rhyme as a kid we rarely think that one day this will be a euphemism for life. However more shocking still is that we find sometimes we are humpty dumpty shattered into in-congruent pieces. We all have a projected image of how we want our life to be. The pendulum in our minds begin to swing the moment we are able to grasp the concept of attaining to be more than we are. This is made relevant in the aspirations of little kids to be a particular thing when they grow up. A firefighter, a policeman , a doctor, ems, an athlete, singer, actor, or other vocation. As kids we gain exposure and in turn acquire a thirst to pursue lofty dreams. Some peoples aspirations from childhood never change and they begin to pour heart, soul, blood , sweat , tears, and a massive amount of ambition into a single solitary goal. However for others this aspiration changes , evolves , grows, or multiplies. No matter the category you fit in, there was a projected image or images on what direction you wanted your life to take. As kids we start strong ,full of zeal, pizzazz, and gusto. We all plan tentatively for things to go right , nut we are stumped rail roaded and despondent when life goes south and our plants start to sour. Unlike humpty dumpty , often we have several falls that obliterate all we had ever known to be true. How do we construct a meaningful life during lifes biggest conundrums?

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What’s your catalyst

What is a dream?  Who can define destiny?  Merely words,  useless, unless enacted upon.  We tend to wax poetic with flowery words,  but how many of us are walking out dream. Visualization versus actuation of a thing. If we don’t take the necessary steps for our futures we are no more mobile than a man without legs .  When we choose to not act we corrode the force of our will.  We make ourselves suspectible to the terrors that lurk In the shadows that would be our undoing.

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The act of insanity

You can’t get water from a dry well. . It’s impossible.  Some of the company we keep are like dry wells.  Despite this we try to cultivate progress and success,  with these dry human wells.  It’s impossible.

Sometimes we have to dig new wells and cultivate new meaningful relationships to create the conditions that promote growth.
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The difference between letting go and giving up

To give up means I have surrendered to defeat.  Circumstances didn’t go my way,  now I wallow here saying I shouldn’t have tried in the first place.
To give up means I fall never to rise again,  to give up means my soul may never mend.
I choose to let go,  meaning I have resolved at the end of the day I’m determined to be okay.  Life is a fickle creature, but my head shall remain held high.  I let go, releasing myself of circumstamtial burdens , I release the noose from my soul,  I free my mind of the inner turmoil and chaos and find I am at one with myself
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Always the looming million dollar question

It’s often the subtleties of life that get us,  the daily stress-free that weigh us down.  One thing on its own may seem insignificant,  but once you stack them together back to back we are now staring down the gale force winds of life and it’s seeking to tear us asunder .

How do  we combat a vortex of chaos that would seemingly be our undoing ?
The answer for this is relentless determination.  Even though we fall down 9 times, we can rise back up and conquer.
Let this food for thought marinate ,as we start a new work week.
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Relaunch

This blog will be a composite of the many day to day dynamics we each face.  We all face a mountain of struggles.  That maybe the grief of loss of a loved one  , the loss of income, or  ongoing depression. No matter the obstacle you face,  we will attempt to bring a ray of light and encouragement to dispel the darkness,  and how we advance from darkness  to morning light.
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Navigating the Abyss part 2

Last post we looked at what are practical ways you can cope with grief. I asked you to come up with some ways that might work for you. For me it’s writing or music, or hiking.

Try this take ten minutes a day to write. Find a good place where you can collect your thoughts and let your thoughts just flow on the paper whatever it might be.
Exercise get the blood pumping, this causes endorphins to secrete into the brain promoting healthy attitude and positive well-being.
It’s the small things that help you get back to the road to you.

Next time we will delve into the faith aspect of grief. Once again this is the sidelines with Donavan.

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Navigating from the Abyss

We talked about the abyss of grief, as we try to navigate the emotions of that abyss, is there really a way to deal and be made whole from a practical standpoint. Is there truly a way to put the jigsaw puzzle known as your life.

It takes time but you have to get back into a routine, find good distractions. Reading, exercise, writing, a free class, or finding a new hobby. Start simple, but you have to take intiatve to get back to being you.
It won’t be easy, but the saying goes the journey of a thousand miles, begins with a single step.

Thank you for visiting the sidelines with Donavan.

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Navigating from the abyss

We talked about the abyss of grief, as we try to navigate the emotions of that abyss, is there really a way to deal and be made whole from a practical standpoint. Is there truly a way to put the jigsaw puzzle known as your life.

It takes time but you have to get back into a routine, find good distractions. Reading, exercise, writing, a free class, or finding a new hobby. Start simple, but you have to take intiatve to get back to being you.
It won’t be easy, but the saying goes the journey of a thousand miles, begins with a single step.

Thank you for visiting the sidelines with Donavan.

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